You Can’t Make Him.

Senior retirement community OttawaI have been working with a family for about a year. They are very concerned about a parent who has had several strokes. They strongly feel he should move to a retirement home right NOW. Dad has had his driver’s license suspended and is very dependent on others for drives to appointments and transportation to get groceries. He isn’t eating properly and at times forgets to take his medications.

Family members checked out several retirement residences and found one that would meet dad’s needs then they took him to have a look at it. He flatly refused to consider even moving in for respite care for a month.

In desperation they called me to talk with him. I have known him for 25 years and we do have a good relationship. I mentioned that his family loved him and were concerned about him having another stroke and being alone on the floor for several hours.

He then stated, “I am going to die. They are going to put me in a hole in the ground. I do not want to die in that ‘home.’ I want to die right here in my home.”

In our experience with over 3,000 seniors we do see this scenario. Sometimes a parent will move to give peace of mind to their children and sometimes they won’t. Sometimes they will move to get the care they need and sometimes they won’t. One client actually put furniture up against her door so no one could get in and move her.  Sometimes something happens and a parent ends up in a hospital and the doctor won’t let them go home and they reluctantly move.

In this case dad put his foot down and refused to move. He made the decision and the kids have respected his decision. Whatever happens…he made the choice.


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